I've Been A Douchebag All Night

Okay, so.. today I'm writting in english cause I'm pretty fucked up with myself.. and maybe the things I need to say come out better this way.
I feel like shit.
Last night was crazy and right now I just realized how stupid I was about everything.
It all started when my mom asked me if I wanted to go to the bar I go every night with her and I said yes.
Its all fine, nothing wrong about this..
We went there, and she sat on a table talking to her friend while I stayed in another table with my friends.
There's this girl, who meets us every day in that place. I pretend to like her, because everybody does it.
She doesn't like me at all, but we figured out a way of passing through it without making people feel akward.
Yes, I played false and I feel terrible about it.
I wish I could just go back and not laugh about her jokes, or ignore her because I truly do NOT give a fuck about what she says.
But it's already done and I can't turn back time..

And then, I left my friends behind, because I wanted to go to another bar, to get drunk and high with other people.
I left the place where my mom and friends were, with a guy that I've been involved with a few months ago.
How cool..
And we entered in that bar, and I found all the people I should try to avoid.
I just couldn't.
I smoked a joint, and drank a bottle of water with MDA.
Got all fucked up , but still bored.
I needed a guitar, like.. so much, but nobody had one.
So, I went to the TV room, sat on a couch and started to watch a movie with Johnny Depp..
Started to laugh alone and then I just left.
I was meant to go to the vending machines in the corner of the square, but I found a João.
We went to the hot dog thing , ate and then we went to his house to get the guitar.

We went back to the bar I was at first , and started to play.
And then, everything suddenly got out of control. People calling me from every spot , to smoke and drink and I didn't fail one invite.
My head was exploding, it was like I had a big music monster inside me that was telling me "sing sing sing".
I couldn't stop.
And then some other people showed up.
Germy, Buzz, Grilo.. everybody.
All the people I'd like to not see.
Fortunatly, João got me good , and told me "I know what's going on, and if you leave this table for anything, I'm gonna be mad at you. Forget them."
That's what I did.
And then I got so sad that I just.. left.
Went home, alone .
Night was freezing, and my heart was pumping more blood than it ever did.
I thought I was going to blow up in the middle of the street in any minute.
So I sat down on a bench.. had a cigarette.. and cried a little.
"Got to take this all out of myself. Gotta find a way to burn all this crap inside me."
I think I stood there, in that bench for hours.
I left the bar at 3h.. got home and 6h.
I dont't know, I wasn't sad about anything in general. I was just mad at myself because of my atittudes that night.
"Fuck, I've been a douchebag all night."
So just walked home, opened the window, lied on the bed and slept.
When I woke up, this huge hangover fucked my whole humor.
Mom and dad were arguing because dad is moving out today to his new house and he needed the car to take his things there.
So much screaming and hate in their words. Just made me feel worse.
So here I am now, sitting on my couch, while mom is pretending she's busy just to not see dad going away.
And there's dad waiting for me, to go with him and help him.
I just feel terrible.
Like.. fuck my life.