The Real Truth

I really miss you ...
I miss you're smile and those sweet words that you used to say to me ...
I miss those songs that you used to sing for me .
I miss the moments When we shared the feeling of making music together .
I miss your smell, and your strong arms that used to be around my body, keeping me from falling.
I miss falling asleep right next to you,
and most of all,
I miss that moment when we shared our love, our body and soul and became one .

- Joanna Juuh -

There He Was

So, there he was.. Lying next to me, in a bed that wasn't ours
We weren't watching the clock, but we've been there for hours
Hours of kisses, times of joy
Like I'm the wrong girl, but he's the perfect boy.

Feelings are fucked up, I messed them a bit between the sheets
But damn, his eyes read so true.. and even tough he hurts me, I think he is so sweet.
And so his fingers touched mine, and I felt a little dizzy
I broke the line, and there I was, all crazy.

So many things I'd like to say
So many wrong thoughts that I should not save
Gotta keep it real and not run away
Gotta take it all and missbehave.

So there he was.. looking at me with his big brown eyes
I felt a little rush inside myself that I could not even disguise.
But why should I care? Why should I hide?
He knows whats up, there's no need to lie.

And there I was, desiring his lips so bad that I could barely stare at his face
I didn't want to be in any other place..
If I could, I'd had made that moment last forever
If I could, I'd go back in time and break my promise and never say never.

Too late, he's there, I'm here.. it's over.
Got his love under my skin and and his touch as my cover
I hope he is okay whrn he's not around me.
And this line ends up with his name.

Para Ti ...

" Tenho saudades ...

 Saudades de te abraçar como abraçava... Saudades também daqueles nossos "mini-treinos" no nosso spot ...

- O que aconteceu a todas as coisas lindas e queridas que me dizias ? O que aconteceu a todos aqueles momentos ?
Só te queria pedir uma única coisa ...

Assim como Eu Não Me Vou Esquecer de Ti, nem do que Fizes-te por Mim;

Não te esqueças de Mim . "

- Joana Juuh -

Já nos entregámos

Ok, quero começar com uma pergunta: Até que ponto vai uma atracção?
Juro, estou aqui sentada a escrever, a pensar que já me fodi e que provavelmente é melhor dedicar-me à agricultura.. porque fuck my life.
Estou completamente absorvida agora por este pensamento, sinto vontade de gritar, mas sinto-me tão calma.
Onde é que começa uma atracção?
Será aquele olhar, aquela forma de ver alguém através de uma lupa que amplia tudo à escala da perfeição?
Será o desespero, de querer ter alguém tão perto de nós , que mesmo durante um abraço se nota que não estamos perto o suficiente?
Será a pequena tristeza de guardarmos um segredo e invejar cada beijo, cada gesto e cada passo da pessoa de quem gostamos, quando a vemos com outro alguém?
Acho que é tudo isso e mais alguma coisa, sinceramente.
Gostava de compreender até que ponto somos capazes de ir em nome de uma atracção.
Acho que somos capazes de passar por cima de amizades, por mais duradouras que sejam.
Acho que trair se torna válido , a certa altura.
E o coração bombeia mais sangue que o habitual, logo, estamos fodidos.. não há escapatória possível.
Começa com um abraço.. depois um momento tenso entre os lábios de cada um.. e aí vem a dúvida.
Mas chega um beijo, o primeiro, que é sempre aquele que custa mais, mas que sabe melhor.
É verdade.. o primeiro e o último beijo são sem dúvida os que sabem melhor.
Quase tão bem como a carícia que surge como que se fosse uma ligação entre o soft e o que está para vir.
E nós, burros, fechamos os olhos, e deixamo-nos ir.
Esquecemos tudo e mais alguma coisa.
Quando damos por nós , já nos entregamos.
Enfim, não há muito por onde fugir , já disse.
Normalmente, resulta tudo num grande segredo partilhado por duas almas perdidas no meio de 2 lençóis.
Não consigo explicar o quanto isso sabe bem, nem o quanto me faz sentir péssima depois.
Bom, já disse o que tinha a dizer.. vou-me embora!

I've Been A Douchebag All Night

Okay, so.. today I'm writting in english cause I'm pretty fucked up with myself.. and maybe the things I need to say come out better this way.
I feel like shit.
Last night was crazy and right now I just realized how stupid I was about everything.
It all started when my mom asked me if I wanted to go to the bar I go every night with her and I said yes.
Its all fine, nothing wrong about this..
We went there, and she sat on a table talking to her friend while I stayed in another table with my friends.
There's this girl, who meets us every day in that place. I pretend to like her, because everybody does it.
She doesn't like me at all, but we figured out a way of passing through it without making people feel akward.
Yes, I played false and I feel terrible about it.
I wish I could just go back and not laugh about her jokes, or ignore her because I truly do NOT give a fuck about what she says.
But it's already done and I can't turn back time..

And then, I left my friends behind, because I wanted to go to another bar, to get drunk and high with other people.
I left the place where my mom and friends were, with a guy that I've been involved with a few months ago.
How cool..
And we entered in that bar, and I found all the people I should try to avoid.
I just couldn't.
I smoked a joint, and drank a bottle of water with MDA.
Got all fucked up , but still bored.
I needed a guitar, like.. so much, but nobody had one.
So, I went to the TV room, sat on a couch and started to watch a movie with Johnny Depp..
Started to laugh alone and then I just left.
I was meant to go to the vending machines in the corner of the square, but I found a João.
We went to the hot dog thing , ate and then we went to his house to get the guitar.

We went back to the bar I was at first , and started to play.
And then, everything suddenly got out of control. People calling me from every spot , to smoke and drink and I didn't fail one invite.
My head was exploding, it was like I had a big music monster inside me that was telling me "sing sing sing".
I couldn't stop.
And then some other people showed up.
Germy, Buzz, Grilo.. everybody.
All the people I'd like to not see.
Fortunatly, João got me good , and told me "I know what's going on, and if you leave this table for anything, I'm gonna be mad at you. Forget them."
That's what I did.
And then I got so sad that I just.. left.
Went home, alone .
Night was freezing, and my heart was pumping more blood than it ever did.
I thought I was going to blow up in the middle of the street in any minute.
So I sat down on a bench.. had a cigarette.. and cried a little.
"Got to take this all out of myself. Gotta find a way to burn all this crap inside me."
I think I stood there, in that bench for hours.
I left the bar at 3h.. got home and 6h.
I dont't know, I wasn't sad about anything in general. I was just mad at myself because of my atittudes that night.
"Fuck, I've been a douchebag all night."
So just walked home, opened the window, lied on the bed and slept.
When I woke up, this huge hangover fucked my whole humor.
Mom and dad were arguing because dad is moving out today to his new house and he needed the car to take his things there.
So much screaming and hate in their words. Just made me feel worse.
So here I am now, sitting on my couch, while mom is pretending she's busy just to not see dad going away.
And there's dad waiting for me, to go with him and help him.
I just feel terrible.
Like.. fuck my life.